I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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