I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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