4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
