I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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