It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
