So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
