u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
