so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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