Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you had me at cake vodka
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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