Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
