so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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