No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
