i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
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Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.