I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.