apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
