grandma shit on top of the toilet
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
