I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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