absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
