At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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