Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
