i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
