no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
