We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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