Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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