dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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