god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
