I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
