And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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