Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it because I queefed?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Boobs are out for the taking
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
