Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
