Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
