wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
