Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
