Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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