this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
