booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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