That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
