so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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