Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
