All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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