I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
