Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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