im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
