i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
