don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
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Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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