I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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