my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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