You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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