He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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