my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
