just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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