hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
