do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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