Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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