Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
