At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude i'm inner monologue high
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
