You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
