i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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