Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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