The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
