are you still at the devil's house?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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