you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
