you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
