JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
