he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I have post one night stand depression
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
