We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
