"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
