Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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