Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
