honey bunches of taint.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
