what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
