Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
