the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
