He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
