im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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