Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
