the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
