this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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