Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
